Personal Essay Final

Throughout my life I've watched my forty-five year old mother survive some very recent tramatic events, the past year being the toughest. This beautiful, blonde haired, blue eyed woman is my role model, my best friend and my everything. Her name is Cassie and she has been there for me through everything and has never let me down. As her daughter, I am right by her side when she needs me. It is the least I could do considering she has been by my side my entire life, supporting me and pushing me to be the young adult I am today.

I was brought up around loving parents, who I believed were soulmates. Little did I know their twenty year marriage would come to an abrubt end after graduating high school. I watched my mother handle a divorce like no other individual. Instead of me needing her shoulder to cry on, I made mine available to her. We had the opportunity to spend a lot of time together, talking and supportin each other. So many emotions were right there that we never in a million years would have thought we would have to deal with. We went out for lunch, dinner, or if either us just felt like we needed to talk to each other we would get in the car and just drive and talk. I was scared, as was she, so I stayed by her side as she has done for me over the years.
Trying to keep it civil for as long as she could with my dad, they put our beautiful house in Berkley up for sale. In the matter of a few weeks, it was sold! A few months later, early September 2009, my dad moved to the Cape with his new girlfriend, while my mother and I moved back to Fall River. Here is where we would face the biggest challenge that would change our lives forever.

My mom quickly realized she had to move on, and had to let go of
a man whom she loved and trusted for 22 years, but was now a stranger, my mom stayed strong. Facebook reunited her with an old friend who she had dated many years ago and was now falling head over heels for again.She told me all about him and how they knew each other so many years ago. At first, to me, this seemed to good to be true. But quickly I knew I had to accept this as my reality, it was hard for me to watch my parents be with other people but it soon grew on me. The day I met this man, who by the way had been making my mom smile, was the day they both told me he was going to be my step dad and had set the date for their wedding, February 14, 2010. Even though at first their engagement had me overwelmed, I quickly grew to love this man and created a very close friendship with him. Alan came into our lives unexpectedly with a nine year old son, and a heart ready to give to my mother. He had never been married or loved before and proved to my mother everyday that she was the one for him. He presented to her a beautiful 6 carat diamond engagment ring that would soon be worn with a gorgeous wedding band. Because he had never been married before, he wanted that special wedding, but when it came down to it, it didn't matter to him. He wanted to marry her ASAP at the restaurant he proposed at.

Alan told us he always wanted a daughter, and treated me as if I was his biological daughter. He was the first man other than my dad that I saw my mom in a relationship with. He helped me with my homework, made the best food, and gave my "dates" a hard time when they came to take me out. They had so many plans, one to build a new home in Somerset for us to start our new life in. Though I thought this was all happening way too fast, I had never seen my mother so happy and had to accept it as it came.

December came way to fast! I was leaving work the Saturday before Christmas when my mother texted me telling me she needed me to come straight home. I had a feeling something was wrong so I rushed. I opened the door to my mother crying on the couch, telling me Alan was in the hospital. I held her close and told her everything was going to be okay, and that we'd go see him. We rushed to Charlton Memorial Hospital as fast as we could. Because we weren't immediate family, they wouldn't let us in to see him. My mother and I were told to go home and that he seemed to be doing better. I woke up around 4am to the sound of my "best friend" crying hysterically on the phone, she was talking to Alan's mother. I knew immediately that Alan was no longer with us. With one phone call , I saw my mom go from the happiest woman in the world, to the saddest. This was a living nightmare. December 20, 2009; he suddenly passed away from kidney and liver failure leaving us forever and leaving his nine year old son with his evil, cold hearted mother. The perfect engagement was over, my mother hit rock bottom and I was the only one left to lift her up. Being eighteen years old, watching my mother divorce my dad and lose her fiance, in the matter of 5 months was too much. Our life and fast approaching Christmas would never be the same without him.

When it comes down to it, we truly believe Alan will always be watching over us. They say when one life it taken, another is given. Ironically, going into the new year, my mother and I found out incredible news. I am going to be an aunty! My twenty-six year old sister and my brother in-law are expecting a baby and her due date is the day Alan proposed to my mom, Septemebr 9. My mother is excited to be a grandmother, and though Alan is not here with us, his spirit will be defintely be around for the arrival of this very special baby.

I felt like my mom needed some kind of closure. We didn't understand why this was happening to us and what exactly we were going to do next. As a gift, I purchased tickets to Maureen Hancock, who is a comedian medium. I felt if Alan had something to say to my mom, this would be his chance. At the end of the medium reading, Alan and a friend of mine came through to her. I saw the look on my mothers face, this is what she was waiting for. I had the recorder ready as she told my mother that Alan wanted her to know that he wants her to find "love again and he was ok." He thanked her for showing him love.

I am happy to say we are both well on our way to healing. My mother and I are so close and have decided to only keep the best of memories. As a result of Alan's sudden and unexpected passing, we learned not to take life for granted . He had so much to live for and so many plans for the future. We are taking each day as it comes, and living like there's no tomorrow. Alan showed me that I can be whatever I want in life with dignity and self respect. I will always remember him as a loving, caring forty-five year old man who loved my mother, my best friend unconditionally. I will never forget his hugs that alwys left me smelling like CK One.

Now that February 14 has come on gone, my mom accepts that valentines day didn't hold the event she and Alan looked forward too. Since the closure with Maureen Hancock, Alan's spirit is helping her to move on. Currently I see how she is finding happiness within herself. Just because Alan is not here with us, doesn't mean her life is over. She is doing her best to hold her head high and continue living like everyday is her last. Nothing is promised, and we aren't going to take anything for granted. She is grateful she got to spend the last five months of Alan's life with him. She will write in the journal I bought her in loving memory of him. Cassie and Alan will, "love forever." I will take everything I've experienced and learned from over the last year, and apply them to any and all obstacles that life plans to throw my way because i have seen what a strong woman is suppose to be.. my mom!